I get a lot of e-mails from people asking how they can establish better relationships with their managers. It seems that everyone – from the entry-level college graduate to the seasoned middle manager, has this issue. To start, I recommend never letting these tempting phrases pass through your lips:
It’s not my job.
When your manager asks you to do something, she wants you to accommodate her. She wants to view you as a can-do member of the team who will be willing to pitch in and help when necessary. Telling her that something is “not your job” – even if it’s true – will damage that perception.
It’s not my fault.
Taking responsibility is one of the elements that sets apart successful employees from unsuccessful ones. Instead of looking to place blame, help your manager figure out what the team can do to remedy the situation.
I can’t work with Person A.
This is an office, not a club, and your manager does not want to hear that you have a personality conflict with a co-worker. You can work with this person, and you will work with this person, so focus on what you can do to improve the relationship without your boss’ intervention.
I can’t do X. I have to do Y.
Instead of telling your manager you can’t do something because you have too much on your plate (which will lead him to think he can’t depend on you), detail your to-dos and ask for his help in prioritizing them.
That’s not possible.
A purely negative attitude like this will turn off your manager. Even if you really believe it’s not possible, be constructive. Say something like: “That’s one approach, though here are some of the challenges we’ll face.”
Everyone hates this place.
You don’t actually know how everyone else feels, so speak in terms of your own experiences. In doing so, be specific about what isn’t working for you, without using strong emotion words like “hate.” And whenever possible, try to identify potential solutions so your manager doesn’t see you as the complainer.
This post was originally published on Intuit's Quickbase blog.
It always amazes me that people have to be told these things! I would have thought that if you want to get ahead in your chosen job/ career that a positive can do attitude is the best way to engender yourself with your boss!
Posted by: Rich | January 30, 2012 at 04:55 PM
you are right since i have done this sort of things and they backfire. a very very very useful article. words fail me to comment.
Posted by: shaukat | January 30, 2012 at 05:02 PM
I think the post is good advice if you want to move up in the company. But I don't buy the concept that my job is to make my manager's job easier. It seems like it's a setup for resentment. I think that concept works only if you have a shot at being manager one day yourself. But with most people's careers being short-term employment stays, there isn't the opportunity to move up the ladder in a single company. And so why should I be making my manager's job easier when the same won't be done in return and I'm working harder and longer hours than he is.
Posted by: Lm | February 01, 2012 at 06:26 AM
If you can't do it, you can't do it. Why should you pretend that you can. check out http://chipchanning.blogspot.com/ for alternate advice
Posted by: Chip Channing | February 01, 2012 at 02:51 PM
Some of these can have disasterous long term consequences if not handled right. For example, agreeing to do work you are not paid for is a great way to end up over worked and under paid. Next thing you know you are doing things above your paygrade all the time without so much as a thought of compensating you. You set that expectation.
There are times when you have to say enough is enough. I agree you don't say I can't, but taking the re prioritize approach sounds to me like writing checks you can't cash.
I work in IT. Sometimes what you ask literally cannot be done. I'm not afraid to tell you that - but I offer an alternative solution. It is important to stay positive, but don't set unreasonable expectations.
In the end a relationship with your boss is like a relationship with anyone else, its complicated. I have followed your prescription for the better part of my career, and it has worked well and not so well - and it totally depended on the boss in question. Some want to be coddled, some want a yes man, some want a best friend, and some want someone to keep them in check with a dose of reality from time to time.
Posted by: Jordan | February 07, 2012 at 11:52 AM
Spot on! These words should never come out of your mouth in front of your boss. There are better ways to send the message across without using these words. Great tips too on what to say instead.
Posted by: Ette - Degree Feedback | April 22, 2012 at 08:44 PM
@Ette: Thank you!
@Jordan: Offering an alternative solution is key, I believe.
@Chip: There may be better ways to say that you can't besides using that word though. And thanks for the link!
@LM: You have a point, although I think many people would like to be in a more powerful position, either at their own level or the next level.
@Shaukat: Why thank you!
@Rich: I agree, attitude trumps even performance.
Posted by: Alexandra Levit | May 04, 2012 at 03:34 PM