Alexandra Levit's Water Cooler Wisdom

How to Be an Effective Spy

Increasingly, managers and recruiters are being encouraged to assess cultural fit during the hiring process in order to ensure that candidates will assimilate well.

If you’re a job seeker, though, there are things you can do to determine whether you are a good match and help the company out. After all, it's just as important for you as it is for them; you will not be satisfied or productive in an environment that doesn’t support your values and vice versa.

The best way to do this is to spy...but how?  Check out my post at the AMEX OPEN Forum for the particulars.

Premature Escalation?

A few years ago, I was finishing up a project at the agency where I worked part time. My colleague and I had been working closely with another internal team on this initiative for a while and fortunately, things were going relatively smoothly.

As the vice president overseeing the project, I always tried to be responsive to the internal team’s needs, knowing that they represented the best interests of the client. My colleague and I talked to members of this team at least every other day, and sometimes multiple times in one day. They had my cell phone number.  If I was not in the office, they knew where to find me.

Just after we launched the initiative, the vice president on the other internal team discovered that something was wrong.  Normally, he or someone on his team would have called my colleague or me on our cell phones. Instead, he called my boss.

It was my role on projects like this to provide my boss with information on a “need to know” basis. He was unprepared for a call like this and caught off guard, and understandably reacted with a bit of panic. I was fortunate that I didn’t get in trouble, because my boss trusted me and wasn't quick to place blame just because someone expressed displeasure.

I hate corporate hierarchies as much as the next person, but it burned me that someone I’d been working with blatantly went over my head.  My friend calls the phenomena “premature escalation” – referring to the fact that those who use it don’t even give the rightful people they’re working with a chance to respond appropriately.

In my opinion, you should reserve going to someone’s boss for cases in which that someone is not giving you what you need, and has been forewarned. Even then, you should be careful.  Behavior like this is not going to endear you to your co-workers, so you should make sure it’s necessary and that you have no other choice.

Pathological Lying at Work

I just called a colleague to ask him to participate in a third-party project I was working on.  I wanted him to join so that I‘d have an excuse to spend more time with him, and I found myself saying all sorts of things to get him to agree.  For example, the project wouldn’t require any time at all, and that it was the most meaningful initiative I’d worked on in years.

Some of my comments were half-truths, and some were pretty close to being outright lies.

Why We Tiptoe Around the Truth

I consider myself to be a pretty moral person, so it bothers me that I’m not always honest with co-workers.  It’s the worst when someone asks me my opinion and I don’t want to hurt her feelings.  Why can’t I just be straight with people?

According to Peter Bregman in his blog post for Psychology Today, the answer is that I don’t want to feel mean or rude, and don’t want the person I’m talking to disapprove of me for being mean or rude.  By lying to preserve someone’s feelings, I’m the one who feels better.

Lying Doesn’t Work

Subtly positioning things so they appear in a better light and massaging the truth to make it more likely to be embraced also makes me feel better too.  It also takes an exceptional amount of energy and apparently fools know one.

But even understanding that, I'm still one of Bregman's minions.  I still try to make things seem different than they are because it takes courage to be honest. I have to be willing to be vulnerable, and I’m not great at that.

Bregman says that honesty is much more compelling, powerful, and effective than the alternative. People want the truth.  They are willing to accept it far more often than we think, and respect other people and organizations for speaking it.  Truly honest people make it easier for others to identify with them, trust them, and ultimately value them as leaders.

This post was originally published on Intuit's Quickbase blog.

 

Should You Come Out at Work?

A recent Harris poll conducted with Out & Equal and Witeck-Combs Communications indicated that only 35 percent of bisexuals said that they are out to their co-workers compared to 60 percent of gay men and 62 percent of lesbians. The same pattern plays out for those who are open with their bosses and managers with 56 percent of gay men, 44 percent of lesbians, and 21 percent of bisexuals reporting being out.

There are many people who believe that all homosexual individuals should come out at work.  I’m not sure I agree. While I’m not going to tell people how to live their lives, I would like to encourage you to use caution when your career or well-being could be at stake.

Bob’s Story

Last year, I came across Bob Johnson’s story online.  A few years ago, Bob interviewed for a marketing and communications position with the Lebanese American University, a university chartered in New York with campuses in Lebanon.  He had some reservations about working for LAU as it didn’t have an equal opportunity employer notice on its website or job ad.  But he interviewed for the position anyway, not volunteering information about his sexuality.

Through the course of Bob’s tenure at LAU, which included listening to a speech from the Iranian president that panned homosexuality and traveling to the deeply closeted city of Beirut, Bob learned that openness about his sexuality would not be tolerated.  Despite using discretion, though, Bob received a 45-day performance improvement plan from his manager outlining deficiencies in his work performance. Forty-five days later, LAU fired him.

It didn’t make sense, as Bob’s job performance was stellar.  When he discussed his confusion with a colleague, he was told that he was not actually fired for job performance, but because he was gay.

Discrimination Laws Are Not All-Encompassing

The LGBT community has come a long way.  Many states now have laws that protect LGBT individuals from job discrimination.  However, there is currently no federal law that safeguards people from being fired because they are gay as Bob was, so think before you open that door.

Safeguarding Your Well-Being

I don’t want to be overly dramatic, but your first concern is making sure that coming out is safe.  If there is already anti-gay sentiment at your workplace, you don’t want to be the target of physical violence or emotional abuse.  If you need help assessing how your organization feels about LGBT employees, check out the Human Rights Campaign website.

Share with One Person at a Time

If you determine that your workplace will be receptive, start gradually.  Choose a person or two at work and think through how you want to tell them.  Observe how your heterosexual colleagues talk about their personal lives, and model your own behavior after theirs.  This might involve mentioning it casually in conversation in the kitchen, or inviting your partner to Happy Hour with the team.

Have Reasonable Expectations

Be prepared for negative reactions, including people who seem disappointed or offended at first, or people who say something stupid in a moment of awkwardness (link to awkward conversation post).  Hopefully, though, your confidants will get used to the idea and the information will be absorbed easily, without affecting how you’re viewed as a co-worker and friend.

This post was originally published on Intuit's Quickbase blog.

 

6 Things You Should Never Say to Your Boss

I get a lot of e-mails from people asking how they can establish better relationships with their managers.  It seems that everyone – from the entry-level college graduate to the seasoned middle manager, has this issue.  To start, I recommend never letting these tempting phrases pass through your lips:

It’s not my job.

When your manager asks you to do something, she wants you to accommodate her.  She wants to view you as a can-do member of the team who will be willing to pitch in and help when necessary.  Telling her that something is “not your job” – even if it’s true – will damage that perception.

It’s not my fault.

Taking responsibility is one of the elements that sets apart successful employees from unsuccessful ones.  Instead of looking to place blame, help your manager figure out what the team can do to remedy the situation.

I can’t work with Person A.

This is an office, not a club, and your manager does not want to hear that you have a personality conflict with a co-worker.  You can work with this person, and you will work with this person, so focus on what you can do to improve the relationship without your boss’ intervention.

I can’t do X.  I have to do Y.

Instead of telling your manager you can’t do something because you have too much on your plate (which will lead him to think he can’t depend on you), detail your to-dos and ask for his help in prioritizing them.

That’s not possible.

A purely negative attitude like this will turn off your manager.  Even if you really believe it’s not possible, be constructive.  Say something like: “That’s one approach, though here are some of the challenges we’ll face.”

Everyone hates this place.

You don’t actually know how everyone else feels, so speak in terms of your own experiences.  In doing so, be specific about what isn’t working for you, without using strong emotion words like “hate.”  And whenever possible, try to identify potential solutions so your manager doesn’t see you as the complainer.

This post was originally published on Intuit's Quickbase blog.

 

How to Avoid Trouble Online

By now, you’ve probably heard of Crystal Cox, the blogger who was sued for libel by Obsidian Financial Group after Cox wrote that some of their business practices were illegal. Cox is now required to pay $2.5 million because a judge ruled she was not a journalist and therefore not entitled to protect anonymous sources.

This is a scary story because one definitely gets the sense that Cox thought she was doing the right thing and had no intention of getting into hot water over it.  And I suspect that millions of casual social media consumers are in a similar boat right this minute.

Self-Censorship is Key

My rule of thumb for staying out of trouble online is not to post anything – anywhere – that you wouldn’t be comfortable seeing on the home page of Google, or that you wouldn’t want read by your grandmother or religious officiant.  This (usually) means no posts or images involving sex, drugs, or radical politics.

It’s Not Always Obvious

When you are employed with an organization, what you can and cannot post online takes on a whole new dimension.  In general, you should always think before you post, because there are the obvious no nos (such as not writing that you hate your company or that you are looking for a new job) and the not-so-obvious no nos (such as posting a company announcement on Facebook or giving a colleague a reference on LinkedIn).

Privacy Controls Are Not Everything

You are not excused from careful consideration if you make use of privacy controls on your social media networks, or if you don’t think you are “friends” with anyone who could disapprove.  This approach is by no means full proof.  As an example, a young professional I know in Chicago got fired after she called in sick but sent a live tweet to her friends from a Cubs game the same day.  One of her friends re-tweeted the remark, which eventually found its way back to the young professional’s boss.

Know the Rules

It is also critical that you understand that company’s policy when it comes to social media.  Hopefully, this is written down somewhere.  If you can’t find it, ask a contact in HR.  Otherwise, you could end up posting something that will cost you your job.  Even if you were completely in the dark and your intentions were totally innocent, at-will employment laws in most states mean that an organization doesn’t need a serious reason or in depth process to let you go.  And worse, if word gets around why you were fired, it may be difficult to secure another position because other organizations will be leery of your lack of discretion.

Thou Shall Not Resume Blast or Defame

Staying out of trouble online involves more than just social media too.  When you’re job hunting, be aware that when you post your resume in a public place, you risk your boss or HR department discovering it while sourcing candidates.  And, in light of the example at the top of this post, please do not defame anyone on a website.  It may seem like a good way to let off some steam, but your comments could come back to haunt you – if not legally, then personally or professionally.

If you’re a bit freaked out by this advice, that’s good, because it means you will be more vigilant. Remember: if in doubt about a piece of information, keep it to yourself.

This post was originally published on Intuit's Quickbase blog.

 

Being Happy Takes Work

You might not believe me when I tell you this, but I have one wish for my children, and it’s not that they are intelligent or successful.  I want them to be happy.  That’s it.

If happiness is a challenge for you, you might understand where I’m coming from.  And thanks to experts like New York-based writer Gretchen Rubin, happiness has become a twenty-first century mandate.  Gretchen was on a city bus in the rain when she asked herself what it would take to make her happy.  She didn’t have an immediate answer, leading to a year of research and a book, The Happiness Project, that includes insights on well-being from history, philosophy, scientific studies, and real-life experiences.

Gretchen says that happiness is something everyone should think about, even if you’re fortunate to have the staples of a good life: health, career, and relationships.

Look Inside Yourself

The area of life that people say makes them most miserable is work, which is really too bad. When it comes to finding a role that makes you happier, start with a roster of things you genuinely like to do. Note that your list should not include things you feel you ought to like.  This requires looking inside yourself, because everyone has different inclinations and varying definitions of fun.

And you don’t necessarily have to overhaul your career completely. Being happier at work can be as simple as starting your day off right by making your bed or finding a friend to talk to over your lunch hour. And those who are self-sacrificing will be relieved to hear that doing things to make others happy is apparently one of the easiest ways to be happy yourself.

Choose Your Attitude

If you’re having a rough time job wise, being happy might be easier said than done.  Remember that have the ability to choose your response to your environment and that you can change your attitude for the better by choosing to focus on particular thoughts.  To that end, it helps to focus on the present moment.  Instead of ruminating about the past or the future, recognize the positive aspects of life in the here and now.  Whether it’s a line of glowing feedback from your boss or a smile from your child, you will inevitably experience something that has the power to turn your day around.

This post was originally published on Intuit's Quickbase blog.

Do You Talk About Yourself Too Much at Work?

Some people start out just wanting to share quality information, and so others listen to them in order to learn and reap of the benefit of the experience and knowledge.

Unfortunately, many of these same people become addicted to the attention paid to them, and they gradually become narcissistic.  Their advice becomes less about situations that apply to the audience in general, and more about, well, them. Their conversations become a string of “I think X, I feel Y, and I do Z.”

I see this primarily in workplaces and online, but it’s rampant in social situations as well.  Let’s say you’re at a party.  If you’re a good listener, and you know how to ask relevant questions in order to show interest in other people, you will inevitably be stuck talking to someone who is more than happy to go on and on about herself.   She may invite you to respond to a remark, only to instantly turn the conversation back to herself.

Effective communication is absolutely one of the most underrated and critical skills in business today.  And you can’t be a good communicator unless you are constantly at thinking about how what you are saying is perceived by others.  Now, while some people won’t find self-absorbed colleagues all that annoying, others will be driven up the wall and may actually go out of their way to avoid working with them.

Here are a few suggestions to keep from monopolizing conversations:

Every time someone asks you a question, ask one in return.

Then listen to the answer, and ask a follow up.  For example:  “Do you have kids too?  How old are they?”  If the person is giving you one-word answers, probe a bit to see if you can get them to open up.

When conversing one-on-one, don’t speak longer than a minute without a break.

Even if you’re relating a long story, stop and ask for feedback or encourage the other person to interject a thought.

Monitor your own contributions.

If you know you have the tendency to talk about yourself a lot, choose a conversation in which you pay careful attention to the number of times you spontaneously bring up your own experiences or opinions.  Take notes immediately following the conversation so that you can be as accurate as possible.

If you write, don’t always default to your own experiences.

Remember that others don’t care what you did yesterday, they want to know what they should do tomorrow.  If you want to include a case study or anecdote, select someone else’s story to prove your point.  Similarly, make sure that the opinions you present are routinely backed up by facts.

Self-absorption can sneak up on a person, and the best way to fight it is awareness.  By recognizing that you’re focused too much on yourself, you can actively take steps to make sure you’re protecting your work relationships.

This post was originally published on Intuit's Quickbase blog.

See Yourself as Others See You

Over at the Harvard Business Review blogs, Linda Hill and Kent Lineback have a terrific post on the importance of knowing how your words and actions are perceived by those who report to you.  As Linda and Kent rightfully point out, though, getting a truthful answer is easier said than done.  Here are some of their top recommendations for getting honest feedback about how others see you:

Establish ongoing human connections

Is there an easy give-and-take between you and your reports? Are you able to carry on a real conversation about a variety of topics, business and personal? Can you disagree and respectfully discuss your differences? Without such connections, which require time to establish, little else you do is likely to uncover others' thoughts and feelings, especially about you as a boss.

React calmly and constructively to negative feedback

You needn't accept everything you hear. But when you disagree, do you seek clarification, pose thoughtful questions, and ask for examples? Or do you respond angrily and deny defensively what you're hearing? Only as people test your tolerance will you slowly build a reputation for a willingness to hear and accept candid comments.

Seek out perspectives in the context of a specific task

Asking broad, general questions can feel threatening to those you're asking, particularly if they work for you. So, develop a practice of checking in with people at the beginning and end of a piece of work.  Use the specific piece of work as a setting for a candid discussion of what worked and what didn't, where you might have done less or more, and what you should do differently next time.

Build an internal development network

Communicate regularly with a group of trusted advisers who are willing to provide their honest reactions to how you’re operating within the organization.  Members of your development network are most likely to be peers and colleagues and may include a more senior mentor.

Tap your boss

A good manager is willing to pass on what she hears about you from others.  She also has access to organizational information and commentary not available to you and so can offer a broader perspective on how you're perceived.

As Linda and Kent point out, being able to accurately understand how you are perceived requires putting in time and effort to establish strong internal relationships, which, as a manager, helps you in many other ways as well.

This post was originally published on Intuit's Quickbase blog.

How to Succeed as a Young Manager

Before the age of 28, Aaron McDaniel had been appointed regional vice president at a Fortune 10 company.  He has managed over 100 people and has been responsible for a variety of job functions from business development to network operations.  I asked Aaron, who now writes the Young Professional’s Edge blog, for his top tips for how to succeed as a manager who is younger than or the same age as most of your direct reports.  Here are some of his key recommendations:

Don't Readily Reveal Your Age

Don’t make references to college or other things that show your team you are younger than (or the same age as) they are. Instead of describing your experience by highlighting the amount of time you have worked, emphasize the concrete results you have achieved.  You will be more likely to be taken seriously.

Set and Maintain Expectations

Especially with a younger manager, people like to see how much they can get away with, so sit down with your team and outline your expectations at the very beginning.  It is also important to understand what your team’s expectations are of you.

Be Present and Inclusive

Considering all you have to do, it’s tempting to move into your managerial ivory tower.  However, by being physically around your team, you will make your employees feel noticed and valued.  It’s particularly important to ask your staff for ideas based on their experience, and then implement these whenever you can.  If you have to make a difficult decision that affects everyone, bring the whole team into the conversation.

Remove Obstacles

One of your primary roles is to remove obstacles that are hindering your team from achieving an optimum level of success.  The best way to do this is by listening and keeping a pulse on what is going well from your team and what is not.  By taking the Jerry Maguire "help me help you" approach, you will be able to fix issues and build positive momentum.

Leverage Your Energy and Ideas

Take advantage of the fact that younger managers tend to bring a higher level of enthusiasm to the job.  Leverage your ideas for making work more fun and your team more efficient – the more creative the better!

This post was originally published on Intuit's Quickbase blog.