Is Showing Sympathy Outdated?

A few months ago, I wrote about the possibility that chivalry was dead in the modern world.  Recently, though, I’ve wondered if some types of consideration might be dead too.  Here’s where this is coming from.  In early November, my mother and my husband’s grandmother passed away in the span of a week.  Small memorial services were held for both, but after that I noticed a stark contrast in the way people reacted to me and my father-in-law as mourners.

I’ve heard before that Generations X and Y do everything – including sympathy – via the Web.  Even as a member of late Gen X, though, this seems weird to me.  I was always taught that if someone you know decently well is in mourning, you send a snail mail card, flowers, or a donation, and you call at least once to see how they are doing.  The number of personal friends and business associates in my circle who knew of my mother’s death but did none of these things was pretty astounding.  Some people sent e-mails, and I guess they figured that was enough. 

Meanwhile, my father-in-law and his sister were busy writing 150 thank you notes to the vast number of people who visited with food, ran errands, and called repeatedly to check in while they mourned the death of their mother.  Did the fact that they are members of a different generation, where surrounding your friend or family member who has suffered a loss with comfort and support is considered a priority, have anything to do with it?  I believe that it did.

Generation X, and Generation Y even more so, have a reputation for being self-absorbed.  Well, folks, in the workplace today, everything that gets done, and every success you have, is usually the result of a strong relationship.  We are all busy, we all have too much on our plates, and we all complain that sometimes it feels like life is just moving too quickly for us to keep up.  But I’m here to tell you that if you want to stand out as a go to person, then it’s important to master things like sympathy protocol.  If someone you know is suffering, be better than everyone else at taking a few minutes to find out what they need and give it to them.  People really appreciate those who come through in a crisis.

Comments

[Rick]

Most important here: I'm sorry for your losses, especially since they came so close to each other. I, too, lost my mother in early November after a long illness. My co-workers and supervisors were very supportive since I had to go back and forth to hospital for several days before she passed away. And I'm very appreciative of the many friends and neighbors who either joined us at the wake or even sent cards. I would hope that sympathy is not outdated. I tell anyone and everyone that in spite of all the technology that facilitates communication, there is and never will be a substitute for face-to-face communication or the personal note. I highly recommend the latter especially after a job interview. It can create a more lasting and positive impression.

[Alexandra Levit]

Thanks, Rick. I'm sorry to hear of your loss as well. This has truly been a difficult year for many people.

Thanks also for bringing back around the importance of face-to-face communication at work.