Superdads Are Stretched Too

It’s interesting.  You always hear about supermoms trying to do it all, but what about superdads?  Here’s what Stephanie Armour at USA Today has to say about this issue:

Todd Scott, 32, has two children under age 5.  Each workday, he leaves his job at Himmelrich Public Relations in Baltimore at 5 p.m. to be with his family, and even then feels guilty he isn't spending enough time with Hunter, 4, and Anna, 1.  Scott's approach to balancing work and family contrasts with that of his boss, Steve Himmelrich, 48, who has two children and is a more traditional-style dad, spending many long hours, free time and some weekends at the office. Himmelrich says he supports Scott's parenting strategy, but both acknowledge it has been a source of tension between them.

Their situation reflects the conflicts that are becoming increasingly common in workplaces across the nation, as fathers press for more family time and something other than a traditional career path. As dads demand paternity leave, flexible work schedules, telecommuting and other new benefits, they've ignited what workplace specialists are calling the Daddy Wars.

A survey this year by Monster.com found that most working fathers, like Scott, want to be more involved in family life.  Nearly 70% of fathers surveyed by Monster said they would consider being a stay-at-home parent if money were no object.  The survey also found that working dads are increasingly tapping into benefits that until just a few years ago were used almost exclusively by mothers: 71% of fathers with a child under age 5 took paternity leave when it was offered by their employer.

I guess I never realized the extent to which dads were pulled in the same directions as moms.  I’d love to hear from some dads who work full time.  Does this article and the Monster study reflect the issues you face?

Comments

[Rick]

I can certainly identify with the story and the study, and my children are teenagers. Earlier this year, I changed jobs that substantially reduced my commute (3 hours a day to 20 minutes) and afforded me more time to be available for homework help, attend baseball games, coach soccer games, or just be around the house and available. It makes a world of positive difference for everyone, especially the kids, no matter their ages.

[Chris Harmon]

Completely. I've quit two jobs over it. The first had me travel to another state sometimes every week - the challenging part was that my wife's family lived there and we ALL would go. Back and forth - for around 3 years - then we decided no more and they wouldn't allow it. So I quit. Unfortunately I then accepted a job where I traveled 10% - for a solid week usually every month. We had moved to an entirely different state - and it was really hard on my wife and 3 kids (current ages: 2yrs, 4yrs, 6yrs). I quit after around 10 months of it. I now work for the state - which provides really good benefits, including 2 days worth of volunteering every year, that includes school field trips. Less pay than private sector though. Virginia's governor really pushed for telecommuting to reduce emmissions, and I can and usually do telecommute one day a week (which is probably the max). I'm 28, we have 3 kids. For 4 years my wife stayed at home raising the kids, but when we moved out here to Virginia she got a job but recently quit to stay at home again. She probably will start working, but part-time and at the preschool/daycare our 4-yr old has continued at. She figures she's there enough almost every day anyway...

I do some contracting on the side but not enough to quit the day job, but it does give us some flexibility in terms of my wife not being required to work for us to be able to pay the bills.

[Alexandra Levit]

Chris and Rick, thanks so much for your stories. It sounds like you have both found workable solutions to the superdad crisis. Good for you!