Alexandra Levit's Water Cooler Wisdom

Grudge-Holding: Seriously, What’s the Point?

I don’t know how to hold a grudge.  I’ve never met anyone who has done something so terrible to me (killed or seriously hurt someone I love on purpose) that it warrants harboring an extremely negative opinion of them for months or years on end.  Even when a person does something that I consider rude, mean, or inconsiderate, my anger usually fades after a few weeks and my feelings are back to neutral or even positive.  I try to give people the benefit of the doubt whenever I can, and even if I meet someone whose morals and behavior aren’t in line with mine, I usually just put him or her out of my mind and move on to a person more worthy of my time. 

Earlier this week, my husband and I were talking about our social life.  The topic of hate came up.  I could think of exactly one person in my history who hates me, and Stew could barely match that.  He wasn’t sure if his person hates him or just doesn’t like his personality.  Neither of us hates anyone.  “I mean, come on,” said Stew.  “Only five year-olds hate other people.”

There’s a reason most of us outgrow hating.  It’s exhausting.  Think about how much mental energy you waste seething with anger or resentment toward someone, energy that could be better spent improving your relationships, career, etc.  Plus, hating someone over a long period of time implies that the reason you started hating them is still relevant, which it probably isn’t.  The world has moved on, and meanwhile you are stuck in some toxic thought pattern. 

Holding a grudge against someone doesn’t buy you anything.  It won’t change the past or the person, and it certainly doesn’t make you any happier.  You won’t like every person you meet, and occasionally a person will do something to you that you don’t appreciate, but there’s no point in dwelling on these things and blowing them out of proportion.  For those of us who are continually striving to maintain a positive reputation at work, grudge-holding displays pettiness and immaturity.  So do yourself a favor and let yours go.

Beware of the Noncompete

Thanks to MSNBC columnist Eve Tahmincioglu for revisiting the issue of the noncompete agreement.  I address this topic briefly in Success for Hire, and I think it’s an important one to be aware of if you’re job hunting or thinking of making a career transition anytime soon.  Says Eve:

“Among the flood of forms you get when you’re first hired, or paperwork a boss asks you to fill out as part of a new company policy, a noncompete clause or agreement may be lurking. If you sign it, you could be shooting yourself in the career foot.  Such legal documents can preclude you from going to work for a competitor or even keep you from starting a business  in a similar industry.”

In Eve’s article, Barbara Poole, CEO of Employaid, an online resource for employees and HR executives, likens noncompete agreements to prenuptial contracts.  Too often, employees get caught up in the elation of getting a job offer and “don’t think about what they’re signing.”  However, legal experts say, you sign at your own peril. Given the tough economy and intense competition among most industries today, employers increasingly are taking workers to court over violations of these agreements.   “We see far more attempts to enforce these,” says Poole.

For example, there’s a very public battle going on right now between IBM and Apple over an employee who signed a noncompete agreement. IBM is suing a former employee who took a job as senior vice president overseeing iPhone and iPod development at Apple earlier this month, claiming he violated his noncompete agreement.

There are a couple of things to keep in mind before you do sign a noncompete agreement, reports Eve.  It’s a good idea to contact your local labor department to find out if noncompete clauses are applicable in your state. If they are, Daniel Levine, an employment attorney with Shapiro, Blasi, Wasserman & Gora in Boca Raton, Fla. advises employees to spend some time reading the document and maybe even have a lawyer take a look so you fully understand what you’re agreeing to.

If you decide not to sign a noncompete agreement, an employer can decide not to hire you, and that’s within their rights.  You also have to take into consideration the scope of the agreement is. In many cases if a noncompete clause is too broad it won’t hold up in court.  And nothing precludes you from altering the noncompete agreement before you sign it. An employer may not accept it, but what do you have to lose?

What’s Next for the All-Digital World?

So Ziff Davis Media, one of the leading integrated technology media companies in the country, just announced that PCMag, its flagship brand, will go all-digital. The final print version will be the January 2009 issue. For the past seven years, PCMag has leveraged its long-standing position with technology readers and advertisers to build one of the leading digital media properties in the technology category. During this period, its digital assets registered annual audience and revenue growth of 33% and 42% respectively. Today, the PCMag Digital Network, with over seven million unique monthly visitors, reaches in excess of 10 times the circulation of the print publication.

This move probably makes sense – after all, it’s PCMag.  But it probably has print journalists everywhere quaking in their boots.  It’s no surprise that the digital medium has taken over a large portion of the media landscape in the last couple of years as more people are going online for their news (just ask the thousands of journalists who have been asked to write blogs in addition to their reporting responsibilities), but like books, print newspapers and magazines have for the most part still been available.  Now it seems that their very existence is threatened.

I’m curious about other types of jobs that might be in jeopardy as the 21st century plows on.  I think that Blockbuster employees will have to find other work eventually, as renting DVDs will surely be a thing of the past in five years, and at what point will all manufacturing workers be replaced by automated machines?  Customer service jobs are being held by robo-reps, many skilled accountants are already being replaced by even smarter software programs that don’t make mistakes, and speaking of software, some IT developers are at risk of out-developing themselves. 

You would probably do well do think hard about where your industry is going, and develop a plan for staying competitive in the years to come.

“No-Drama” Obama and His Pitbulls: A Lesson in Management

The news is buzzing about “No-Drama” Obama’s cabinet picks.  Says the New York Times:  “After running a campaign known for its almost military-like cool and discipline, the president-elect is now assembling a staff whose members are known for their combativeness.  His chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, is a take-no-prisoners politician known for his willingness to butt heads with adversaries. Mr. Obama’s top liaison to Congress, Phil Schiliro, is a skilled political infighter. His press secretary, Robert Gibbs, is no shrinking violet, as one of the few people who can boast of shouting down Sean Hannity of Fox News on Mr. Hannity’s own show.  And then there’s the consideration that Mr. Obama is giving to Lawrence H. Summers, the outspoken former Harvard president, as Treasury secretary, and Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton as secretary of state, a move so explosively bold that it has sent the Washington press corps into overdrive.”

The nickname “No-Drama” Obama speaks to the president-elect’s sensible and diplomatic demeanor, an attitude that endeared him to the country and the world.  And his cabinet picks have already demonstrated an excellent show of leadership, for Obama realizes that he needs to surround himself with people who compliment his strengths, not duplicate them.  Obama is ice and his advisers are fire, and together they will implement a perfect system of checks and balances.  If anyone was worried that Obama’s mild-manneredness wouldn’t stand up to the very serious crises this nation is facing, the new administration will assuage these concerns. 

Those of you who are managers should heed this lesson.  Choosing subordinates who are carbon copies of you does not a strong department make.  If you really want your group to be successful, sit down and think hard about your own style, and the areas where you’re not quite as strong or need improvement.  For example, if you tend to focus on the big picture and neglect some of the steps along the way, look for a candidate who is obsessively detail-oriented.   While it’s natural to gravitate to people who are similar to you, you’ll be a better leader in the long-run if you resist the temptation. 

New Episode: 30/20 Vision

Hi everyone!  Join my friends and co-hosts Lindsey Pollak and Christine Hassler for a new episode of 30/20 Vision, airing on Blog Talk Radio this afternoon at 2PM ET.  We'll be talking about how to survive and thrive during a recession.  Hope to see you there, and if you can't make it, be sure to check out the archive!

Book Review: Campus Calm University

I’m pleased to let everyone know that a useful book I’ve contributed to, Campus Calm University by Maria Pascucci, has just been published.  The book is part of a nationwide effort by innovative new organization Campus Calm to empower high school and college students to become stress resistant and confident leaders.

This generation of teens and twenty-somethings, known as the Millennials, is the most ambitious group of young people ever to walk the planet.  However, Millennials also feel a great deal of pressure to follow the prescribed path to success and happiness and map out every second of their lives in painstaking detail.  Those in high school and college are exhausted from stressing over every individual grade, test score, internship and résumé builder.  They imagine a life where they can focus on learning and prioritize fun and spontaneity while they’re still young.

 

Maria and her panel of experts (I’m the twenty-something career one) have developed a guidebook that we hope will help them do just that.  One of the best things about the book is that it teaches teens and twenty-somethings lessons about how to achieve life satisfaction that most people don’t learn until they’re at least 40 (I’m still working on some of them myself), including ditching your inner perfectionist, taking calculated risks, embracing your creativity, and surrounding yourself with positive influences.

 

Maria has generously offered WCW readers a free copy of her career search stress relief audio CD when you purchase your copy of Campus Calm University from her site.  When you add the book to your cart, enter “Levit” in the promotional/coupon code box.  Maria will also autograph the book for you!

Facebook Foibles Could Cost You Your Career

The British newspaper The Independent reported that Virgin Atlantic sacked 13 flight attendants for criticizing the airline's flight safety standards and describing its passengers as chavs on Facebook.  And yes, I didn’t know what chav meant either.  Apparently it’s the British equivalent of white trash. 

In a statement, the airline said: “Virgin Atlantic can confirm that members of its cabin crew will be leaving the company after breaking staff policies due to totally inappropriate behavior.  Following a thorough investigation, it was found that 13 staff participated in a discussion on the networking site Facebook, which brought the company into disrepute and insulted some of our passengers.”  The online messages also reportedly claimed the airline's jet engines were replaced four times in one year and that planes were full of cockroaches.

A spokesman for the airline said: "There is a time and a place for Facebook. But there is no justification for it to be used as a sounding board for staff of any company to criticize the very passengers who pay their salaries."  He added: "We have numerous internal channels for our staff to feed back legitimate and appropriate issues relating to the company."

People, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  You must assume that everything you post on a social networking profile – either your own or someone else’s – will be read by your employer.  Even if a site is password protected, there’s no guarantee that the content won’t get into the wrong hands.  It’s bad enough to gossip verbally about colleagues or customers at work, but leaving a paper trail that’s proof of your disloyalty?  Not smart.  Not only have these flight attendants lost their jobs, but they may have destroyed their careers because what other airline would want to hire them now?  Please don’t let the same thing happen to you.

Taking Time to Find Out What People Want

My grandfather turned 90 years old this week.  As long as I’ve been alive, he’s been impossible to shop for.  Now that I’m a working mom, I have less time than ever to figure out what to get him, so I usually just include him in a family gift of tasty treats.  But the man has had quite the life, and this year I really wanted to celebrate it. 

 

When we were out in California visiting my family a few months ago, I tried to pay special attention to what he was doing with his time.  He mentioned taking pictures with his new digital camera and wanting to write down his life story, but even so, I was at a loss as to what to get him for his birthday.  Finally, I came up with a great gift – a digital frame from Kodak to display his pictures electronically, and a small laptop computer with only the basic word processing software loaded on.  My grandfather is mystified by the Internet, so I didn’t want to overwhelm him. 

 

I thought he might like the package, but I was completely unprepared for the flood of emotion that came from a man who usually needs to be prompted to speak up at the dinner table.  He said he hadn’t received a gift this thoughtful since he was 13, and he couldn’t stop saying how much he appreciated my effort to pick out something he would actually want. 

 

I felt a little guilty that I’m 32 years old and had never done this before, and I started thinking that maybe I should do it with more people in my life.  So often, holidays force us to choose meaningless, impersonal presents for our loved ones, presents that end up in the basement or under someone else’s tree.  But why not try to think about what family members, friends or colleagues need on an everyday basis, and devise creative ways to meet those needs?  It doesn’t matter whether the occasion is her birthday or a random Friday in November, or whether it costs a lot or not (my grandfather’s laptop was previously owned).  This is the prime example of a thought that counts.

Nagging Versus Appropriate Follow Up

At my college reunion, I met a prominent national newspaper editor I’ve admired for a long time.  I had e-mailed her a couple of times to introduce myself over the years, but she hadn’t responded, and I didn’t want to be a nag so I let it go.  When I talked to her in person, I mentioned this, and she replied, “Oh, I don’t think it’s nagging if someone contacts me multiple times.  I’m so busy that it’s often the only way to get my attention.”

 

This was so interesting, and contrary to what I have always believed about the media.  I’m still not sure that it’s true about all reporters and editors, but I’m now going to think twice about how quickly I give up when I don’t hear back from one of them.  A source for my latest book just said to me:  “If you don’t get something you want, it simply means you didn’t want it badly enough.”  The truth is, no editor or reporter has ever accused me of being a pest.  I think I created that view of myself in my head so that I would have an excuse not to persevere on a particular task.   

 

Lately, I’ve been advocating the 3/6 rule for general networking – meaning that you should contact someone either by phone or e-mail 3 times in a 6 week period, and if you don’t get a response by the end, move on to another person.  I would love for you guys to weigh in on this.  What do you consider nagging, and what is appropriate follow up?  Are there characteristic differences between the two?

How to Know if You Really Like Your Job

I love this post from one of the smartest college students – if not the smartest – I know.  Ben Casnocha suggests that if you want to find out what someone really does for a living, ask him what he does "on a day-to-day basis."

According to Ben, typically when you ask someone, "What do you do?" you get a grand, idealized vision of what their job is supposed to be.  Hence, he follows this question with, "Interesting. So what does that entail on a day-to-day basis?"  This question reveals a more concrete and helpful description.

Breaking down time into micro-chunks, says Ben, is also useful for evaluating happiness. It's hard to contemplate the present-tense question, "Are you happy?" in the abstract. Past and future tense also fail. Looking back in time, we rationalize. Looking forward in time, we make terrible predictions about what will make us happy. So, one of the most famous and effective studies of happiness involved participants who carried around pagers and, several times a day in the heat of a moment, took note of how they were feeling. The researcher then evaluated the aggregate of these momentary entries.

Ben’s bottom line is that the best inquires about one's work and life are rooted in day-to-day activities and feelings, and this makes total sense to me.  I asked Ben’s questions of myself, and found that the majority of the time, I enjoy the daily activities my job involves (interviewing a source, writing a new chapter, delivering a talk, answering a reader’s e-mail).  And those I don’t enjoy (invoicing, pitching), I can at least tolerate.  These are the real endeavors that make up the life of an author, as opposed to glamorous but unrealistic activities like dining with editors, attending book signings, and running from one TV interview to another, and these are the things I would want to share in an informational interview with someone who is thinking of becoming one.