Letting Go of Control

I don’t know if I would describe myself as a control freak, but I am definitely not comfortable with uncertainty.  I typically like to know exactly what’s going to happen, and would rather deal with the concrete knowledge that something bad is about to occur than worry endlessly about the possibilities.

I am trying to work on this, because not only is having total control impossible, but it also takes something important out of the experience of living.  When something unexpected happens in your career, for example, you are forced to use all of your faculties to generate a solution on the fly.  You don’t have time to second-guess yourself or intellectually analyze the situation from every angle.  You do the best you can with what you’re given, and you grow as a result.  You may increase your competence in a new skill area or learn a timeless life lesson.

Talk to most leaders and they’ll tell you that surrendering control, having faith, and trusting in others, are critical to success.  Although this approach undoubtedly makes us feel naked and vulnerable at times, it also boosts our confidence and sense of well-being when things go well, and better prepares us to cope with unforeseen events in the future.

Comments

[Danny Miller]

Hi Alexandra,

You are absolutely right that controllers (and I am a reforming one!) are very uncomfortable with uncertainty. We worry about all the "what ifs" and "what might happens". I write extensively about control and a primary key to "decontrolling" ourselves is addressing and processing our fears. We need to separate the real facts from the nightmares our emotions script for us. Not easy for sure, but even partial success diminishes our fears and the need to control.

Danny
www.losingcontrolfindingserenity.com

[mike sadovskiy]

Alexandra,

Your post made me realize there are others like me out there. I will let my wife read it too since she is the only one except me who have to deal with it every day. Thanks for your wisdom.
Mike

[Alexandra Levit]

@Mike: You aren't alone at all. Most people I know face this problem to some degree.

@Danny: Great additions. Thanks so much for commenting!

[Steve Maarten, editor of Letting Go Quotes]

One of my very favorite "letting go" quotes, which really emphasizes the positive aspect of letting go, is:

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be."
~ Lao Tzu