Being an Introvert in an Extrovert's World

Sherrie Haynie, a consultant with CPP, Inc., the publisher of the Myers-Briggs assessment, had this to say regarding introverts:

“Often, introverts describe how they interact with the outside world as a performance, and acting is work.  Similar to professional actors, introverts may appear enthusiastic, lively and entertaining.  However, many describe the experience as being ‘on stage’ – for an introvert to spend a significant amount of their day using non-preferred characteristics requires a great deal of energy.”

Wow.  I couldn’t have said it better myself, and I am, in fact, one of those introverts.

Eva Rykrsmith wrote a great piece on how introverts can be more effective at work.  For some other thoughts on how introverts can manage the stress of a role that requires extroverted behaviors, have a look at my post on Intuit's Quickbase blog.

 

Comments

[Danielle]

There is a brand new book out called "Quiet" that deals specifically with being an introvert in a work world of extroverts. I just bought it.

[Slickvik]

Actually I am not so sure that the world is actually extroverted. Sure more people are but the professional world still requires as much independent office thinking. As an extreme E, I actually find it as difficult to create as would an "I." The role of computers (the online equivalent of the office) in the commercial world is doubling up on this.

[Natalie Ross]

Hi,I've also read 'Quiet' and it's really an interesting read about introverts, though a bit biased. I'm also an introvert btw and I couldn't agree more. :)

[Tamara Snyder]

Love this. I think it can be particularly challenging for introverts in communications agency roles to adapt to always having to be "on" and be the product and the face of the firm with clients.

[Jennifer]

I am a introvert marired to an extrovert.It has caused definite stress in our marriage. I can manage a couple of social interactions a month.But, only if they are outside our home, I HATE people coming into my home, I feel like the home is our sanctuary and for my husband and I only.He LOVES just randomly inviting people over and visiting. He doesn't understand that it literally panics me when people show up at my door, he doesn't think its a big deal, he just thinks I am self conscious about the house or something. The weird thing was I was able to cope better before I got marired and now that I live with him, I feel more out of control because I don't know what will happen next, so, I am worse then before.Now, I do not want to do anything out of the home or see anybody or have anyone at the house.My inlaws are all extroverts as well and think I am some nasty witch, and tell those around me that I am unsocialable and rude .Which of course, embarrasses me more and makes me want to attend family functions less and less.

[Zahra]

Hi, there.I'm an extrovert eneggad to an introvert. The funny thing about our relationship is that my fiance has many more friends and a much richer social life than I have. My fiance is older and more experienced than I am he's very well traveled. That's because he went to a very social college in another country, where he made friends by osmosis. Many of these friends followed him to the States, and they see each other fairly regularly. Though I like socializing, I've lived in isolating places. I simply haven't got as many friends. The friends I do have I keep up with religiously, but he's socially busier than I am.I know he's an introvert because he tells me he much prefers to be alone. Whenever we're together we avoid huge spaces, crowds and parties. I'm totally fine with that, though I need some socialization or else I get very lonely and depressed. I have long phone conversations with my friends, he hangs out with his independently ski trips, bowling, car rides, etc and we're very happy together.

[Dedy]

Oh yeah,my inlaws ALL FREAKING EXTROVERTS.These pleope have made my life a living hell. We go to visit maybe 3 times per year,can I be allowed to sit and read a book,maybe do a puzzle,go for a walk alone.NOOOOOOO I am dragged from one mindless event and function to another with the plans changing every few minutes,they arent happy unless they are doing something .I dared to separate myself from that pack of yapping hyenas ONCE ,my word you would think that I killed grandma,it was the end of the world,how dare I be myself. Then we have my SIL,shes a peach alright,she has a beautiful little girl being raised by babysitters because her social life means more to her than her own kid and this is somehow acceptable in society.Dont think so. Do I sound angry and bitter.I am .This is one introvert that has had it up to the eye ball with BS from extroverts.

[Aracelis]

Great post! Just being aware is at least half the battle. I have been marerid 38 years and have been somewhat unaware for most of that time. I am just now becoming aware and trying to end up with a good, loving relationship that carries us into our final years. In the beginning I was the extrovert and my wife was the introvert. I used alcohol to overcome my shyness. Now my wife is the extrovert and I have become introverted, probably because I quit drinking. I put up with being dragged to her social events and she lets me go out to the lake house by myself. It works! I wish we had had these blogs in the old days. It is important for every couple to be aware of the intricacies of their relationship so they can tweak it from time to time, something I am just figuring out. It takes work, people, it doesn't just happen!

[Valeeh]

I'm an introvert meiarrd to an extrovert and quite frankly I'm ready to divorce him,as an extrovert he likes to share personal information with supposed friends everyone he meets is a friend , so guess what,all of his so called friends have personal information about our lives,persoanl information that I would only share with close family members,bottom line,the man is a big mouth.I have to say NO,introverts and extroverts should not marry.Extroverts are way too needy and always wanting someone elses opinion,these people cant seem to think for themselves or be comfortable in their own skin for that matter.This is one introvert that is ready to head for the hills.

[Amelia O.]

I am an introvert that has spent a lifetime trying to fit in a world of extroverts. As a child I was teased and shunned because I was quiet and intelligent. I don't believe I was so much more intelligent, just more introspective. As an adult I was simply misunderstood but still shunned. While others wanted to party I wanted to sit alone outdoors, listening to the wind blow through the trees and watch squirrels. My life has been miserable. I have suffered from a myriad of medical problems that I believe were brought on by my trying to live in a world that simply wasn't me. I am always stressed, have anxiety attacks, high blood pressure and a general feeling that I am overstimulated. Finally, however, at the ripe old age of 57, I have decided to just be me. I live in Chicago where it is crowded, loud and it seems like everyone is always talking. I have decided to move South where I have found a house on 10 acres where I can create my own private paradise. Luckily, my family, while not really understanding me, has always accepted me the way I am and now so do I. So I will live harmoniously on my 10 acres with my animals, stay true to myself on my job no matter what others think and know that it is ok to be an introvert. Oh, and I was married to an extrovert too. It simply took too much energy to please his extroverted personality so we parted ways. I'm ok with that and now I can say that I just love being me.